Warning- Very personal post!

So it's Father's Day. And I'm kinda bummed today.

First of all, i have been stuck at home for a week now since i had my surgery and i'm still in pain. Tomorrow is my appointment so hopefully something comes from that!

Then comes the fact that it is Father's Day. My Father has been pretty absent in my life for quite awhile. Story goes- Married to my mom, cheated on her, and left her when she was 7 months pregnant with my little sister. Married that woman, Tammi, who i came to know as my step mother for about 13 years. Cheated on her about 8 years ago or so, and left her for that woman, Geannie. Since he left Tammi, any kind of communication with my sister or I has been diminished or gone completely. My sister is very much like my mother when it comes to speaking her mind, which has lead to their relationship being completely done. I, However have tried for years to keep in touch with him. Calling him on holidays or birthdays. Trying to keep the peace in every way possible so i could maintain a relationship with my father. Basically i felt like the parent while he was my child. Me doing all the work to keep in touch. The last string came when my Maternal grandmother and grandfather passed away this February and then April this year. He knew about it, and didn't have the decency to call or anything. He told my older brother (who has a relationship with him-they hunt together which keeps them close) that he was going to call me... never did. So, i didn't call him on his b-day this year. Which in turn lead to him not calling me on my b-day this year. He is very spiteful and only usually does things when its for show anyhow. Like my wedding day. Ugh, thats another whole page, but i will give you the shorter version! First he wasn't coming because he was going on a hunting trip in some other state, then last minute, he called me a week before the wedding saying he was leaving the trip early to come to my wedding, which i was happy about, then came the kicker. He told me he wanted to walk me down the isle! REALLY?? You haven't been involved in my life like a real father should, but you want to walk me down the isle?? I don't think so. I told him i already asked my brother to do it. I was going to have my mom and brother do it, but mom didn't want to cause trouble, so she skipped it. Then the day of, at the reception, he went up to my mom and told her he wanted to give her some money towards the wedding. She said "don't give it to me, give it to your daughter, they paid for most of it." Needless to say that was another "show" move because he never gave me any money. He is such a loser! Ugh!

Anyhow, i usually bought a card for my grandfather on fathers day. This year, as i went with my husband to the store to buy a card for my father in law, it hit me that i no longer have anyone to buy for. My pap is no longer with us, and it makes me very sad. My grandmother passed away the day after her birthday in february, and pap went just over 2 months behind her. I considered buying a card for my husband since we are the parents of two beautiful kitties! But it just brings up the emotions of the fact that we have been trying to have a child for 3 years with no luck. So no children for us at this moment. (Thats another whole personal post haha!) Ugh. Just a very stinky, emotional day today.

Sorry for bothering you all with just a fraction of my family drama, but i just needed to vent and the hubby is at work! Haha!! Thanks for listening!! :)